Adventures in Sky Mall

Let me start off by saying that I really enjoy flying. I enjoy being zipped away over the earth to a destination of my choice and all the while sitting comfortably (and at times not) in a seat with a book, magazine, music, crossword puzzle or a movie to keep me occupied. I also enjoy watching people at the airport. I enjoy it because people get irritated over the tiniest of things. These irritants coupled with the pressure to get to the plane on time make people fun to watch. I am a very calm flyer. I take my time, arrive early, check-in, find my gate, and wait it out. I love watching frustrated people go through the metal detectors over and over again and seeing them take off a piece of jewelery they forgot they were wearing which was setting off the alarm in the first place. I love watching people run awkwardly through terminals with their bags in tow as they try to get to their departure gate on time. I always imagine they are running to stop the person they love from boarding a plane going halfway across the country, but that's just in the movies. I really enjoy listening to people complain about how they are going to be late for their flight, as they stand in the security line asking to cut in front of people. They will not get any sympathy from me because they failed to arrive early and/or read the signs at the security line entrance. I think I take pleasure in their discomfort because it's not me.

I'm a fairly superstitious flyer. When I fly Southwest (which is more often than not) I like to choose my exact seat: Row 17, window. My lucky number is 17, and I like to look out and see the Earth below. I also like to read Sky Mall. If you've never experienced Sky Mall then you've never flown in a plane before. It's the type of catalogue where you can buy anything. From bug vacuums to canine genealogy kits. Needless to say I love looking through the catalog and seeing all of the useless stuff a person can buy/thinks they need. From the Wrist Cell Phone Carrier to a color changing shower head (the water glows the color of the LED lights). Some of the items can be useful like the emergency battery that can, supposedly, help you restart your car and inflate your tires if your stranded or the fire escape ladder. This catalogue borrows a page from the Hooters mantra: "Delightfully Tacky".

This brings me to the pièce de résistance from the Sky Mall catalogue. Look at this photo from the catalogue of the shoe I found on page 11 and tell me what sticks out.

These shoes are called "Gravity Defyer"'s and apparently help you absorb shock and add a spring to your step. They claim to be like Benny the Jet's PF Flyers: "Walk and run faster, jump higher, no fatigue and nor more pain!" But what sticks out to me is the logo. It's what struck me the first time I laid eyes on these shoes. If you didn't really look at it before, look at it again. See something you shouldn't? Me too. Am I messed up for this being my first thought when looking at these shoes? Probably, but this design went through stages of development before it was sewn on the shoe. Don't you think one person in the marketing, advertising, design department or even the FedEx guy delivering packages to the company would've said something about this logo? Whose idea was it to go ahead with this design? It's not only inappropriate, it's stupid. I don't know what else to say about these shoes because the logo pretty much says it all. These shoes will forever be known as the "Sperm Shoe" and it's a near perfect example of what you can find in Sky Mall and it just goes to show that there's never a dull moment when you read Sky Mall.