Fun with Pamphlets

The waiting room can be one of the more excruciating things in life – if you hate that sort of thing. For others it is a window of opportunity to sit back, relax and read a few articles in a magazine that you normally don’t read. Such is the case when I sat down in a doctor’s waiting room and picked up a pamphlet that in big letters on the top said “Let the ocean heal you!”

How could I resist?

The image on the front is somewhat disturbing when you look at it for a prolonged period of time.

The female mermaid is tilting her head back as the merman is intertwined with her and he thrusts his trident upwards. This, looks strangely erotic. But I guess that’s what the ocean provides – erotic pleasure that can heal you.

Then, when I opened up the pamphlet I was greeted by this man:

Somebody call Chris Hanson and tell him to set up a sting by the ocean because this guy looks creepy and eerily seductive as he tries to lure you to purchase his product. Also note that he is by the ocean for the direct correlation to his product. Ah ha.

Then there’s the testimonials. Now, I believe that this product may be healthy for people and may benefit some but there was one testimonial in particular that I found to be quite interesting:

“Thank you Chris for letting me try your product. I have seen and felt many changes in myself since I’ve been taking your product. I’m 15 years old and before I started taking PotentSea Sea Vegetables, I was struggling in school and was tired most of the time. I started taking 4 capsules a day and in the first couple days I really felt an increase in my energy. My hair has grown so much in the past couple of months, my nails are stronger and grow faster, and my skin is much softer. The greatest improvement though would have to be my grades in school. Since I’ve been taking PotentSea Sea Vegetables  everyday, my grades have from from about a 2.0 GPA to a 3.5 GPA. Thank you so much for your wonderful product, I will continue to enjoy its great abilities.”
Shelby, Malibu, CA

Hmmm. The thing that strikes me is the 4 capsules a day. That seems like a lot and given that there are only 30 capsules in a container she is running out every single week. The pamphlet doesn’t tell you how much each container costs so I went to the website to do some digging. Here’s what I found:

1 bottle = $21.95. 3 bottles = $62.95. 6 bottles = $119.95. I case (12 bottles) = $229.00.

Um, wow, that seems like a lot of cheddar to throw down on some kelp and algae that ‘Cast Away’ Tom Hanks was privy to on a daily basis. But hey, it’s her (or most likely her parent’s) money.

The second thing that caught my attention was the GPA increase. I don’t buy it. I’d like to see some dates on these grades because everyone struggles in the beginning of the year maybe she was destined to come out of the funk and perform better regardless of the Sea Vegetables. Maybe she just didn’t study before she took the pills. Maybe she realized she had no friends and grew sad and tired and didn’t focus at all in school but it wasn’t until one person said ‘Hi’ to her at lunch did she realize that she in fact did have friends and then became more involved with school and thus her grades went up. Or maybe she’s telling the truth.

Then there’s the parents. Why couldn’t they have given her some Ritalin like most other parents and send her on her way? But no, they had to go to some New Age-y way and find an alternative to chemicals. What’s wrong with chemicals? These are the same parents that probably got rid of the Capri-Sun and Rice Krispie Treats after the soccer game in favour of wheat grass smoothies and flaxseed oil based granola bars. Kids need sugar and occasionally good tasting foods so they know what to snack on once they experiment with drugs that increase their appetite. It’s science.

Pamphlets and magazines are windows into other worlds as you wait for your doctor or as you wait in an airplane. As you sit in your next waiting room don’t just pick up the Entertainment Weekly,  Sports Illustrated or People Magazine that you normally pick up. Venture out and try something different like Ladies Home Journal, Good Housekeeping or pick up a pamphlet and discover something new about the world. I know I will never look at the ocean the same way again.