‘Breaking Dawn’ nearly total yawn

I am no stranger to the ‘Twilight’ saga film series. I saw the first on a whim, enjoyed it for what it was but thought nothing more. I saw the second to see where the story would go, and wound up being angry at Bella for not choosing Jacob because he is clearly the better option because sure immortality is great right up until you know you have to leave your friends and family behind because they die and you don’t. I digress. I saw the third because I figure I’d already seen the first two that I might as well see the next one. You know what? The third was actually quite good. More action, back story, and the acting improved across the board. Now here we are with the penultimate film in the series, ‘Breaking Dawn: Part 1’.

**Beware Spoilers ahead**


No way I’m giving up now having already invested three separate movie-going sessions on the first films. Thus, I ventured out after the film had been out a few weeks (so to avoid the tweens and Twi-hards) and decided to formulate my own opinion on the film.

Meh.



I realise that the splitting up of the film is to make sure that as many details from the book can be in the film but I felt cheated. There were numerous montages of playing chess, vampire-human relations, and playful teasing in the form of lingerie (which I approve). And there was only ONE Taylor Lautner shirtless scene! C’mon! I thought this was a ‘Twilight’ movie! The film felt longer than it was and any drama was negated by its seeming never-ending length.

For me, the best portions of the film are when Esme and Carlisle are on screen. Elizabeth Reaser and Peter Facinelli are both capable actors who do well to make their characters more than just the leaders of the Cullen coven. The are there to guide them along their journey as they try to blend in with their community.
Billy Burke as Charlie Swan, has the dad nailed down and delivers some of the best intentionally funny lines of the film. Nikki Reed as Rosalie is another character I wish we’d see more of because she is there to negate Bella’s choice of becoming a vampire because she sees it as a lack of respect for mortality. An interesting parallel that is not fully explored, but then again this film series is about the romance.

The romance is not for me and I think she made the wrong choice with Edward so I move on.

So Bella gets herself knocked up and starts dying because the fetus is killing her. I had no idea there’d be a Roe v. Wade debate in the middle of this film and I was surprised so I sat up in my seat wondering how it would all play out. Sadly, that scene lasts a few minutes and then we move on. I guess we can’t get too heavy here can we?

The film is drawn out too long and when everything came to a head it ended soon after. There was this whole beef with the vampires and wolves fighting and Jacob leaving the pack (oh and we could hear the wolves talking – in wolf form) and then they were coming after the Cullens if Bella died and then it ended because Jacob decided he wanted some wolf-on-wolf action for himself by imprinting on Sam’s ex-girlfriend. Crazy.

The most intense part of the film comes at the end when Bella has delivered and Edward has given up trying to revive her. We see Edward’s venom surge through her body and attach itself to her heart, blood vessels, and reattach her broken spine. This is a very cool piece of digital camerawork as we see Bella being reborn as a vampire. Then they tease us with Bella waking up as a vampire. Gah! They’ve got me hooked. Looks like I’ll be seeing Part 2 next year when it’s released.

The End of an Era

How did it come to this?

At what point did people become upset with the established order and decide that quick wasn’t quick enough?

Technology happened.

With the advent of digital media and the internet becoming even more of a behemoth than it was, I guess it was only a matter of time before it started to crumble. No, I’m not talking about newspapers, I’m talking about home video.

I’m the kind of guy who likes to peruse the video store and see what there is to see. I go in there with maybe one or two movies in mind and then I wander. I’ve been known to take upwards to an hour to find a movie. That’s how picky I am.

I used to visit the local Blockbuster pretty much every week when I was in high school. I would rent multiple movies and that would most likely be my Friday and/or Saturday nights. I exposed myself to ‘The Killing Fields’, ‘Tootsie’, ‘West Side Story’, ‘The Apartment’, ‘Malena’, ‘Taxi Driver’, Yojimbo’ and many many more all because I walked around the store and came across those films. I had heard of them before but I just never got around to watching them. The way people find movies is all changing now.

At first it was at home DVD delivery, now it’s streaming that has become the norm among the cinephiles. The video store cannot/is not able to survive. I had seen Blockbuster’s and Hollywood Video’s closing all over town but I still had one near me and that was all that mattered. I had nothing to worry about.

Then they came for me.

I was all ready to pull into the parking lot of Blockbuster when I saw a giant dumpster parked behind their building filled with debris and trash. The storefront was bare. Gone was the iconic blue background and yellow ticket stub. In it’s place, a pale concrete slab that hadn’t seen the sun since the store was built. I am at a loss.

Sure, it’s a video store, there’s another one a few miles the other direction that I can go to but it’s that store that gave me the love of film. My cinematic mind was expanded because of that store – it has a meaning in my life. The video store in general has been a huge part of my life.

Where do I turn to now? Do I go the online route and have DVD’s mailed to me? Or do I go to that other store and continue about my business? I do not consider my self a part of the ‘Generation Now’ mainly because I have had the same phone for six, yes six, years and it still works great. I do not need my DVD’s to arrive the next business day. I’d like to be able to walk out of a store with it knowing that I have something I want to watch that day or night. I cannot do that online.

It’s a funny thing when something you’ve known your whole life just suddenly vanishes. Like a teardrop in the rain. You know it’s there, you felt it, and now that it’s gone it's impossible to get back. I tend to wax nostalgic when it comes to things from my adolescence and this is no different, but it’s happening all over the place. These stores are disappearing from neighbourhoods all over the country and it signals a change. Whether that change is good is something we will only know in the future.

State License Plates Part 6: Massachusetts

What’s the first thing that pops into your head when you hear Massachusetts? I think America. Red. White. Blue. Revolution. Patriot. The Shot heard ‘round the world. Bam, that’s the beginning of how our nation came to be.

The two times that I have been to Massachusetts, I have enjoyed it. Having said that, it was the Summer/late Spring and the weather was kind enough to oblige to my sight seeing. I don’t do Winter with feet of snow and hail the size of kumquats. Nor do I do Summer with 80% humidity.

Massachusetts was accepted as a state on February 6, 1788, although some might not consider Massachusetts a state being that it’s the “Commonwealth of Massachusetts” but I bet those are the same people who think Greedo shot first.

Simple design here using the red, white, and blue effectively but the blue is lighter with a hint of gray. The red, too, isn’t too brazen and is a more subdued/softened red. I think it works. Then there’s the slogan “The Spirit of America” – which according to some research is from a 1980’s tourism jingle. Now, I have it on good authority from an inside source that if your license plate holder covers up “The Spirit of America” during a vehicle inspection then your vehicle will not pass inspection. “Spirit of America” huh? Sounds more CCCP than USA.

Not much else to report here, it’s simple but dull at the same time with no image to liven things up. I’m not an advocate for images on plates but something a little something can improve a plate. Here, I think it could work, maybe the original 13 Colonies American Flag somewhere to tie in that colonial America/Revolutionary War era that was crucial to Massachusetts and our nation. I give it a B.

State License Plates: Part 5 - Connecticut

What’s in Connecticut? I mean besides the UCONN Huskies, the Connecticut Sun, and Stars Hollow. The Hartford Whalers left town and moved to Carolina, of all places, and won the Stanley Cup less than 10 years later. That’s got to sting a bit. But what’s in Connecticut? I’ve never been nor have I had in inkling to travel there – if only to cross it off my list of states to visit. Nevertheless it is a part of the USA and it was the 5th state admitted to the Union on January 9, 1788.

Connecticut is known as ‘The Constitution State’ due to the claim by John Fiske that the Fundamental Orders of 1638/39 were the first written constitution in history. This is disputed by some historians, but not by me, because I’m not a historian and I’m just going to roll with it and examine this plate.

The blue used on the plate is consistent with the blue used on the state flag, so that’s nice that they have some continuity, but that’s all the plate has going for it. The state appears in the top left corner but that is the only thing that keeps it from being boring. Because let’s face it, if I wanted to look at blue and white colors all day I’d look up at the sky or out to the ocean or at a pool.

There isn’t a whole lot here for me to recommend other than the dark blue numbers and lettering really pop off the plate. Other than that this plate is very pedestrian, yet I admire it’s simplistic nature because it doesn’t try to do too much other than be a license plate. It gives the sense that it is by the water, which it is, (e.g. Atlantic Ocean and Connecticut River) and it does a simple job of doing so. Connecticut isn’t the next state I am going to go visit but the license plate does a good job of selling me whatever it is they happen to be selling. I give this state a B.

Sporting Events I Wish I Was Alive To See

There’s one thing I regret about living in this time and era in human history. No time travel. What if 200 years from now time travel is possible? Then this list would not exist. Alas, that’s not the case and I am only left with ‘what ifs’ and dreams.

There are events in history where people can claim ‘I was there’ and that firsthand account told and retold is something that cannot be taken away no matter how much time has passed. ‘I was there’. We’ve all always wanted to be ‘there’ because seeing something after the final whistle has blown or after the champion has been crowned is not as exciting. Whether it was seeing Sinead O’Connor burn a photo of the Pope or watching Jason Lezak outswim Alain Bernard to win the 4x100m at the Olympics, you want to be ‘there’ or at least see it live. Here is my list of sporting events I wish I was alive to witness in person.

1. ‘The Miracle on Ice’ – No doubt, #1 on my list. The inspiration for this list came when I was digging through a storage box and I came across a mug from the Lake Placid Olympics and I thought to myself: ‘Damn, I wish I was alive to see that.’ The drama, the joy, the sheer beauty of it all , and Al Michaels all culminate in one of the finest moments in American sports history. I get goose bumps every time I hear the ‘do you believe in miracles?!’ line and to see in person would’ve been icing on the cake.
2. Cassius Clay KO’s Sonny Liston – Do I particularly like boxing? Not really. I’m not into fighting sports in general but I can admire and appreciate the way Muhammad Ali boxed/danced/talked his way through a ring because watching him do his thing is beautiful and is something that cannot be duplicated. Oh yeah, and this photo, pretty much displays how much of a bad ass Ali was while he was in his prime.
3. ‘4-Minute Mile’ – As a long-distance runner this feat is something that marvel at because I am aware at how hard it is to sustain a fast yet manageable pace over a long distance and this time shows pure guts and heart, because to run that fast is insane.
4. Björn Borg v John McEnroe 1980 Wimbledon – Growing up, I always watched Wimbledon in the summer, and in particular the gentlemen’s final on Sunday. I remember watching Sampras, Agassi, Ivanišević, Hewitt and then Federer and Nadal (who together played the greatest tennis match I have seen) but this is the match that is was compared to and it is something I wish I could’ve seen live and been caught up in the drama of it all. Especially in that seemingly never-ending tie-break. I love tennis and to watch these two icons play in their prime would’ve been a dream.
5. ‘The Play’ – The game was over right? No chance, right? Someone forgot to tell the Stanford band that there was still the business of the kickoff to end the game. A few laterals and a flattened tuba player later and Cal wins a game that has the wildest finish on the college gridiron.
6. Super Bowl III – Broadway Joe guaranteeing a victory over the heavily favored Colts? I can only imagine what people were talking about by the water coolers ‘This Joe Namath guy guy is saying he’s going to win. I gotta see this dude fail.’ Uh, whoops, looks like he was right. To see a guarantee of that magnitude backed up is sporting legend.
7. 1975 World Series – Seeing archive footage of Pete Rose running the bases and Carlton Fisk flailing his arms in a desperate attempt to will the ball fair just doesn’t do it justice. Seeing this series would’ve been joy and heartbreak for me. Wanting The Curse to end, but failing to see it happen, and watching The Big Red Machine chug along in all its glory on the way to the World Series title.
8. 1974 World Cup Final – To see Johan Cruijff and Franz Beckenbauer face off against each other on the biggest stage in the sport, yes please. The Dutch playing their ‘Total Football’ is the stuff of legend and impressive to watch, even in YouTube form. To see it live up against powerful, and eventual champion, West Germany would’ve been something special.
9. Berlin 1936 Olympics, Jesse Owens – I highly doubt I would’ve been there in person and I know I could not have seen it live unless I was in Europe but nevertheless to see Jesse Owens dismantle the Aryan belief of Hitler, although he wouldn’t admit it, would’ve been supremely satisfying.
10. Nadia Comaneci’s Perfect 10 – Never been done before and to do it six (yes 6) more times throughout the 1976 Olympics is something to awe over as it forever changed the judging of the sport and the way perfection is viewed.

Fun with Pamphlets

The waiting room can be one of the more excruciating things in life – if you hate that sort of thing. For others it is a window of opportunity to sit back, relax and read a few articles in a magazine that you normally don’t read. Such is the case when I sat down in a doctor’s waiting room and picked up a pamphlet that in big letters on the top said “Let the ocean heal you!”

How could I resist?

The image on the front is somewhat disturbing when you look at it for a prolonged period of time.

The female mermaid is tilting her head back as the merman is intertwined with her and he thrusts his trident upwards. This, looks strangely erotic. But I guess that’s what the ocean provides – erotic pleasure that can heal you.

Then, when I opened up the pamphlet I was greeted by this man:

Somebody call Chris Hanson and tell him to set up a sting by the ocean because this guy looks creepy and eerily seductive as he tries to lure you to purchase his product. Also note that he is by the ocean for the direct correlation to his product. Ah ha.

Then there’s the testimonials. Now, I believe that this product may be healthy for people and may benefit some but there was one testimonial in particular that I found to be quite interesting:

“Thank you Chris for letting me try your product. I have seen and felt many changes in myself since I’ve been taking your product. I’m 15 years old and before I started taking PotentSea Sea Vegetables, I was struggling in school and was tired most of the time. I started taking 4 capsules a day and in the first couple days I really felt an increase in my energy. My hair has grown so much in the past couple of months, my nails are stronger and grow faster, and my skin is much softer. The greatest improvement though would have to be my grades in school. Since I’ve been taking PotentSea Sea Vegetables  everyday, my grades have from from about a 2.0 GPA to a 3.5 GPA. Thank you so much for your wonderful product, I will continue to enjoy its great abilities.”
Shelby, Malibu, CA

Hmmm. The thing that strikes me is the 4 capsules a day. That seems like a lot and given that there are only 30 capsules in a container she is running out every single week. The pamphlet doesn’t tell you how much each container costs so I went to the website to do some digging. Here’s what I found:

1 bottle = $21.95. 3 bottles = $62.95. 6 bottles = $119.95. I case (12 bottles) = $229.00.

Um, wow, that seems like a lot of cheddar to throw down on some kelp and algae that ‘Cast Away’ Tom Hanks was privy to on a daily basis. But hey, it’s her (or most likely her parent’s) money.

The second thing that caught my attention was the GPA increase. I don’t buy it. I’d like to see some dates on these grades because everyone struggles in the beginning of the year maybe she was destined to come out of the funk and perform better regardless of the Sea Vegetables. Maybe she just didn’t study before she took the pills. Maybe she realized she had no friends and grew sad and tired and didn’t focus at all in school but it wasn’t until one person said ‘Hi’ to her at lunch did she realize that she in fact did have friends and then became more involved with school and thus her grades went up. Or maybe she’s telling the truth.

Then there’s the parents. Why couldn’t they have given her some Ritalin like most other parents and send her on her way? But no, they had to go to some New Age-y way and find an alternative to chemicals. What’s wrong with chemicals? These are the same parents that probably got rid of the Capri-Sun and Rice Krispie Treats after the soccer game in favour of wheat grass smoothies and flaxseed oil based granola bars. Kids need sugar and occasionally good tasting foods so they know what to snack on once they experiment with drugs that increase their appetite. It’s science.

Pamphlets and magazines are windows into other worlds as you wait for your doctor or as you wait in an airplane. As you sit in your next waiting room don’t just pick up the Entertainment Weekly,  Sports Illustrated or People Magazine that you normally pick up. Venture out and try something different like Ladies Home Journal, Good Housekeeping or pick up a pamphlet and discover something new about the world. I know I will never look at the ocean the same way again.

Better late than never – My favourite films of 2010

I realize that this is very, very, very late but I just noticed that I never put out a list for 2010. I’m a bit too lazy to write out an entire intro but suffice it to say that these are my favourite 15 films from last year with 1 – 3 being my top three then the rest coming in no particular order other than what’s popped into my head – although there is some order to the list as it progresses.

1. Inception
2. Black Swan
3. 127 Hours
4. The Social Network
5. The King’s Speech
6. True Grit
7. The Town
8. Easy A
9. The Kids Are All Right
10. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World
11. How To Train Your Dragon
12. Kick-Ass
13. Toy Story 3
14. Despicable Me
15. Hot Tub Time Machine